I am not my hair!


Does anybody remembering getting their hair done on Saturday mornings? Sitting in between your mother’s legs while you squirm or cry because mommy is combing or brushing too hard. What about getting a perm/relaxer to make it bone straight? I certainly remember getting a perm every couple months as a young girl. I used to hate getting a relaxer because it always burned my scalp. I tried to sit as long as I could but I gave my mom a good 20 minutes before it was burning and I ran to the sink like my hair was on fire asking her to hurry up and rinse out the relaxer. Usually it looked real pretty but nobody could see the scalp burns that were underneath the prettiness.

Fast forward 15 years later and I no longer use perms. I often use protective styles such as ponytails, individual braids and twisties. When I don’t have these styles my mother often says “I wish you would get a perm” “I can’t wait till you get your hair done”. I often tell her “Nope, I’m not getting one or I just don’t respond’. I think it’s important for me to learn to appreciate my hair in its natural state. If I constantly use products to enhance my beauty, it will be difficult to accept me when beauty enhancements are not readily available.

I’m wondering does natural hair acceptance vary by coast? While living on the East Cost, I often wore my natural hair with no extensions. I would get compliments and people wouldn’t look twice. Living in Washington DC, lots of people from the African Diaspora are sporting locs and other natural hair styles. When traveling to Los Angeles (my home town), wearing the same style, I’m asked so when are you getting your hair done.”? Weaves are the thing here often costing several hundred for the hair and even more to install.

Several questions to ask about hair. Why straight hair is seen as better. Why do we feel the need to put on a straight wig/ weave for interviews? Why is my natural hair seen as my hair not being done?

Like Indie Arie says I am not my hair. One day a may decide to go bald, perm, color, lock, or cut it. My hair is a part of my physical characteristics but does not define who I am.


  1. I fell into the I need my hair done trap for a long time. Not even sure why I was getting it done. I did notice I got more compliments and less when my hair was naturally curly. I’ve gone back natural tho and I love it!!!! Embracing my natural beauty. Yes different coasts and races respond to my hair differently.

    • Hey Eboni,

      Thanks for reading the blog. Please follow the blog fir future articles. The thing is its ok to press your hair or get it done. The problem is when we feel one makes us prettier than the other. I like when you straighten but I also like the curly look. #embracenaturalbeauty.

  2. Pardon me, but screw them and keep it moving. Wear whatever makes you comfortable. Sometimes I want braids, sometimes I want bundles. Whatever makes ME feel sexy at the moment (my fro included) is what gets sported! Best of luck.

    • Hey Courtney,
      Yes I definitely keep it moving, I just find it annoying that my mom always attempts to get me to use the relaxer. Right the key is to making yourself happy/sexy and every one else does not matter ! Thanks for reading

      How do you reach out to other black bloggers? Are you part of a particular online community?

  3. I’m the queen of different styles, but I’ve been natural for the last 10. Whether in braids, blown out, curled, or in an Afro, what’s most important is taking care of it so that our hair is healthy. Embrace your own style! My mom and grandma weren’t fans of my locs when I first got them, and ended up loving them…and were mad when I cut them, lol.

    • Yes that’s right, I’m natural but I need to learn how to keep my hair healthy. Yes i’m embracing, I’ve been natural for years now! lol you can never keep anyone satisfied so you just have to do you.

  4. Totally agree. You’d be surprised how your confidence with your natural hair can inspire someone to do the same. I’ve had a few friends and family members go natural after giving me the side eye a few years ago. Now they ask me for tips.

    • That’s the beauty of black women’s hair its very versatile, we can literally have a new hair style everyday. I need to try a short hair care and it seems like its a lot maintenance but i could be wrong. I’ve always wanted to try a fade/bald but i’m nervous about that leap. #iamnotmyhair

  5. I have a natural Mohawk standing all kinds of tall at this very moment. I’ve never been my hair and people don’t have to like it (Mom included) but they won’t disrespect it.

  6. I’ve never had a perm but wire my hair straight all the time until a few years ago. My grandma asks my that same question “when are you going to get your hair done”. I usually just smile and change the subject.

  7. This is a great post. I guess I’ve never given much thought on what other people think of my hair. I wear my hair how I want, when I want. I enjoy having my hair straight because it’s easier for me to manage, but when I want to rock it curly, I do so with ride.


    • Thanks Allison, I appreciate your feedback. Yes other people i don’t care about but its hard when is your best friend aka mommy..lol. That’s the reason why i love our hair, we can do what ever we want to it on any given day..

  8. I definitely think it varies by area, and just what people are used to. But I think once people get over it, they realize your hair is just an accessory and not really that serious.

  9. You know California is the land of fake. Fake hair, fake boobs, fake face, fake everything. It doesn’t really surprise me that people react that way to black women wearing their natural hair instead of relaxed hair there. Although the world is more accepting of black women and their natural hair, I think we still have a long way to go especially in certain areas. I live in South Florida, and It’s not a big deal here.

    • Yes California has Hollywood, so people want to look glamorous but I’m the complete opposite I’m as real as they come. We def have a long way to go. If someone likes natural cool and if you like weaves cool, whatever works best for you.

  10. The same thing happens to me when I go to GA. Living in DC, relaxers aren’t the norm, natural hair is… get to Georgia, and people are looking at me like I just stepped off of the moon.

  11. Contrary to what ppl think, natural hair requires maintenance just like straight hair, especially if you want to style it. Wash and go is the bare minimum! I have worn my hair natural for years but I like protective styles – correction – I need protective styles, mainly in the form of wigs, because I have thin hair. To keep it from being damaged, avoiding breakage, I cornrow & cover! Most may think I’m hiding or assimilating for my employers who lack melanin or the ability to appreciate kinky hair. I’m simply preserving what I have. Ppl, family included, should curb their judgements.

  12. I’m in the D.C. area and there are so many naturals walking the street that nobody cares. I’ve been mostly natural for 11 years. I color, I go bald I rock funky cuts. I love me best with natural hair.

  13. I think it is unfortunate that natural hair is not considered professional especially now when so many black women have embraced their natural curls. What does hair have to do with your ability to work? This society is definitely twisted.

    • I think they have even passed a law (not sure what state) but it says they have a right to tell you how to wear your hair.. Just crazy in my opinion. Your hair has absolutely nothing to with your work ethics.

  14. no , you are not your hair. It does hurt when others don’t understand it, but do you. Do what makes you comfortable and move on.

  15. I went natural 6 years ago and I’m never going back. I have found that it’s called a natural hair journey for a reason. On this journey you discover who truly are and to love yourself just as you are.

  16. Sometimes parents need to be put in their place, all I’m saying. LOL. Your hair, your journey. None of their business. I’ve been rocking a low cut for a year and love it. We got way more to be worrying about than hair. I wish others would get it.

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